please

let me warn you now. this is going to be a long and emotional post.


yesterday, my brother lost one of his friends. needless to say, my brother is devastated by the loss and the trickle effect has begun. my mom was deeply saddened for the parents who have lost a child. i know she knows the depth of a mother's love and can never imagine the anguish they must face as they go through this tragedy. i feel for the friends who have lost their comrade. when life is a battlefield, to lose one of the soldiers is a cut that runs deep. it leaves empty gaping wounds that bleed everyday -- a reminder of a life cut short, way before its due.


i am tremendously overwhelmed by this senseless tragedy. i am sorry that i have to be witness to 5 suicides of people i know. it's painful for me each and every time. i wish there was more that could have been done for those in despair. at this point, i truly believe that therapy and medication have its own merits. i wish i could find a way to make help more accessible to those who need it. perhaps there is no better time than now to find a way to reach out to someone who suffers from the grips of depression and lead them to the proper help. depression is a serious illness and there should be no stigma against people who suffer from this. emotional pain is just as horrible as physical pain, if not more.


in another blog entry (in another channel) i wrote about the betrayal of the mind and body. ive always lived in fear of having a terminal illness. i find that even the most resilient spirits can still crumble in heartbreaking fashion when faced with a body that fails to move forward. i think of people who fight cancer and wonder where they get their strength and the faith to withstand the pain. they are heroes who fight a battle that rage within them, a fight between the will to live and surrender to death. and then i wonder about those whose bodies are perfectly well but whose minds and spirits slowly wither away until all hope is extinguished. when life beats you up and mind and your spirit choose to retire, in this battle, death often wins.


suicides actually comprise a huge chunk of deaths every year. and the attempts are even greater in number. it is estimated that there are 20 million failed suicide attempts in a year. do we really want to make this number greater? more than the grief that comes with the loss, those who are left behind by a suicide victim suffer trauma, anger, remorse, and guilt. the repercussions often leave the bereaved helpless, in constant emotional pain and a crippling inability to move beyond the death. i know this because ive survived 3 suicides from people i know and have been close to. while i never knew this boy well, i know him from the stories i've heard and the fact that his life seemed to be so similar to people i know, make this death as painful as the others. feelings i thought were long buried when my friends passed resurfaced and i struggle now to find ways to stifle this grief and to heal. and this is just me, a stranger to this boy in many ways, a third party observer.


what do i say to comfort those left behind when i found no answers for myself when faced with the same loss? how do i tell them that life will be better later on when there are no assurances good enough? how do i lie? i was so sad yesterday when my mom said that every parent's dream for her child is to see him grow up, finish school, become successful and have their own families. these dreams will no longer be realized when a 20 year old boy dies. more than that, i cannot even begin to fathom if acceptance will ever become a possibility. it shouldn't be that we settle for far less and have our parents' dream that their child merely survives this life. we should all be so lucky and dare to go further than that. let us dream for each other a peaceful and happy life, steady jobs that pay well, beautiful grandchildren for our parents, more new things to discover, more experiences to share with each other. let us all live for as long as we can, as wonderfully as we can. we live in a world where brotherhood and fraternity is more pronounced, where it is easy to commune with someone from another part of the world. let us reach out and make sure that anyone who suffers from depression and loneliness know that there is always another hand to connect with, there is always an ear willing to listen. let us make each others' lives worth saving and our own worth living.

perfect

i had the perfect morning. i had an alcohol-free friday night and a schedule-free saturday morning. i woke up at 8am, played with my dogs for a bit and had breakfast. afterwards, i went back to bed and curled up with a book. i haven't had a day like this in a while. im so happy.

=)

buy u a drank

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4TKeJRraVo

hay nako! kung si jesse mccartney pwede maging ghetto, dapat pwede din ako!

medyo mahal ko na sya. shhh. secret natin!

oh come on

how do you not fall in love with that itty bitty little kitty?

well, my dad wasn't happy when i tried to save a little kitty from my prowling dogs (give them a break, it's animal instinct!) and the monster cat bit my hands. bled for a bit but it was okay. the cat seemed happy to be out of my dog's line of sight. i even gave her some food. but my dad was not happy.

neither was my brother who seem to detest having had to deal with all the hullaballoo over a cat. he didnt even want to touch the darned kitty.

most of all, my mom was not happy that she had to cough up some money for my tetanus shots, antibiotics and succeeding consultations. nice.

what a way to spend sunday night. if i still don't become catwoman a la michelle pfeifer or halle berry by tomorrow, im going to scream.